I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
