I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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