I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
