I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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