So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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