I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
