I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
