She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
