Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
