hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
