I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Floor bacon is actually really good
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
