you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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