I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
