I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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