I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
