I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Houston, we have a squirter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
