Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
