Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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