i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
