I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I love you.
Bad choice
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
