I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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