saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
