So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
