oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
