im drinking this country out of the recession.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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