Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
