i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
