if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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