He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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