Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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