if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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