Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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