All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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