I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
