i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
