i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
