I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
