He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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