he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
