Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've blown a few things in my day
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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