I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
