I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize