I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
