if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize