I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
