My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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