if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
