it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
