Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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