when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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