all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
