Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
