sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
