So drunk its hurt
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
