Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
