In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize