so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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