the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize