So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
