I think my fart just growled at me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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