Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
