There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
