didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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