im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
